The other day I stumbled upon a video discussing the "unlucky lover" which touched on the tendencies some of us have to fall into cycles of unhealthy relationships. Although very heavy, it is important for us to examine the reasons as to why we often choose the wrong people to love and be loved by.
From observation, there are a number of us that posses the skill of choosing bad partners, not because we necessarily want to, but because it is our innate response to deeper feelings of unworthiness. Many of us who harbor insecurities find it difficult to confront the idea of love and compassion when it is challenging for us to love ourselves. We romanticize partners who treat us with kindness and gentleness until we meet someone that upholds those seemingly "lofty" standards.
This response to unrequited tenderness is born out of a response to intrinsic insecurity, and although the origins of such response vary, good partners remain frightening for those of us who prefer to be treated as poorly as we treat ourselves. It can become natural for us to ask the question: "Why does our partner seem to think so much more highly of us than we think of ourselves?"
We ought to take a step back from time to time and look from a different perspective. These individuals who are prepared to treat us with kindness are not, in fact, dull, but have simply spotted something we have yet to see in ourselves. They reach to us with open arms, extending an invitation of patience and acceptance.
In reality, good relationships do not just appear to us, but must be cultivated from a deeper understanding of self-love. We will only accept the love we think we deserve. Although overwhelming and frightening at times, this mutual respect can be strengthened by the acceptance of grace from those we allow into our process of healing.
Comentarios